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The Wild Story Of Martin Shkreli And His Romance With A Reporter Has Led To Some Fine Dreamcasting

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The most unholy thing that 2020 seemed to be lacking — a fantastical update about Martin “Pharma Bro” Shkreli’s continuing shenanigans behind bars — finally materialized on Sunday. Oh boy, did this story hit the spot. A reporter for an esteemed publication confessed to throwing away her marriage and her job and her dignity for a shot at love with Shkreli (who is serving a 7-year prison sentence for security fraud). And then Christie Smythe, formerly of Bloomberg, told Elle all about this hot mess in lurid detail. Really, if you’ve ever felt bad about a relationship decision in your life, you will probably feel a little better knowing that at least you didn’t have your first kiss with a convicted white collar criminal in a room that smelled of chicken wings.

Actually, I hope that neither of those two variables (kissing a convicted felon/professional troll or the chicken-wing romance thing) never, ever happens to you. Smythe apparently experienced both things before she agreed to freeze her eggs for the dude who had to forfeit his $2 million Wu-Tang album as part of an asset seizure, and damn, she didn’t even get to listen to the thing. Would that be worth throwing away a marriage? Probably not, but it’s time to get silly because Smythe allegedly sold the movie rights to her story. Never mind that she hasn’t even published the book that’s supposed to be the basis of this movie because, my god, we’ve got some dreamcasting to do.

Well, first, it’s pretty important to note (as this Twitter user did) that Smythe’s institution-bound love story with Pharma Bro is “almost precisely Harley Quinn’s origin story.” In other words, I’m catching some serious Jared Leto-Joker vibes now regarding Skhreli the master manipulator.

Almost precisely Harley Quinn’s origin story.

— okay mister (@AprilFuul) December 21, 2020

Really though, who should portray Smythe and Shkreli if their story does get the cinematic treatment? Kristen Bell and Kieran Culkin and Vincent Karthaiser and Betty Gilpin all got mentions, among others (like Ben Shapiro, should he choose to make his Hallmark movie debut).

holy forking shirtballs what a story

(and yes, one million percent, Kristen Bell needs to play her in the movie)

— Chris Labarthe (@chris_labarthe) December 21, 2020

Zach from Wild Kratts as Martin Shkreli pic.twitter.com/lga2imMhd3

— Chris Labarthe (@chris_labarthe) December 21, 2020

If they make a movie about Martin Shkreli, Keiran Culkin should play him.

— Alan Sarapa (@AlanSarapa) December 21, 2020

This is the rare case where suggesting someone is right for a role is actually a massive unforgivable insult.

Also, the answer is clearly Kieran Culkin, but specifically the Succession version of Kieran Culkin. pic.twitter.com/v2iEuVUhdU

— Ian Gillespie (@IanRGillespie) December 21, 2020

and it’s obviously vincent kartheiser and betty gilpin, like let’s all move on

— Danny Bowes (@bybowes) December 21, 2020

I became aware of Martin Shkreli and Ben Shapiro at roughly the same time, and their faces are still interchangeable in my head.

— SUN (31 days) (@sun_cel) December 21, 2020

Prove to me Ben Shapiro & Martin Shkreli aren’t the same person pic.twitter.com/DHF4hrzjBc

— Khalid Nigh (@Eternal0Star) December 21, 2020

Pee wee Herman could play martin shkreli in the made for TV movie

— Meg Button (@megbutton) December 21, 2020

Amy Sedaris as Shkreli please

— Jeremy Hersh (@Jeremyhersh) December 21, 2020

The oily residue I found clogged in my drain can play Martin!

— Jon W (@2plus2equals7) December 21, 2020

The Martin Shkreli/Bloomberg reporter story is the Hallmark Holiday Movie of 2020

— Bill Stiteler (@bstiteler) December 21, 2020

Heck, let’s give it to this dude. He’s throwing himself on the grenade.

I should probably play Martin Shkreli in the movie

— Theodore (@FredNietzky) December 21, 2020

And wait a minute, why stop at a movie? This could be a miniseries.

I’m seeing so much “Who should star in the Shkreli movie?” tweeting and it’s pissing me off. It is clearly a miniseries.

— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) December 21, 2020

Thank goodness 2020 can still bring some laughs, right?

She really wanted to hear that Wu-Tang album.

— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) December 20, 2020

GIRL. pic.twitter.com/q77YKoO6km

— ant (@eatatmilliways) December 21, 2020

Source: The Wild Story Of Martin Shkreli And His Romance With A Reporter Has Led To Some Fine Dreamcasting

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Written by Kimberly Ricci

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